trying to follow

Monday, September 12

success and failure

i'm frustrated. mainly with myself. i can't be content. i'm not satisfied with the level of success of the ministries of which i am a part. i want to know what i'm or we're doing wrong, if anything. i'm convinced that i'm missing something. it may just be something i am personally lacking, or something that i/we am/are blind to.

i long for genuine fellowship. to be uplifted and to encourage in my interactions with others. i feel that, as much as i hate it, we're "just going through the motions." (i put that in quotes because it's cliché.) what are we not doing? do i have the wrong attitude? what are we doing?

i suppose i want assurance. i want God to reach down, look me in the face, and tell me, "I love you. seek Me, and you'll find Me. you're doing a [appropriate word] job," and then proceed to tell me what things i've right and what i've wrong. i suppose He's already done the first part.

i long to be satisfied by God. i've become convinced recently that i'm not. i require it from others. i guess i might just be in need of encouragement, but i think i know it's more than that, mainly because i'm not picky about what kind of assurance i want to receive. i know that i need to be satisfied by Christ. Christ, satisfy me. i suppose i should be beseeching Your Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, satisfy me. bring me peace, assurance, hope. teach me to love the Lord my God, and to love others. may i know success on Your terms and not those of the this world.


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